This morning as i was eating breakfast in the office pantry, a co-worker came in and started to have small talk with me. The talk with this person will almost always end up on the state of my childlessness. She once told me about a popular drink on the market and how she end up knocked up after drinking it, and asks whether i’ve drank it? When i told her no, she persistently asks about more personal stuff, i guess to analyse why i still am not pregnant and handling a brood of six… She finally concluded that maybe i didn’t mind nor want to have kids….
I have on several occasion been asked of this and to tell the truth am getting quite annoyed answering. Not having children is not something i choose, it just happens. There is nothing wrong with my husband and i, we are two perfectly healthy couple, conceive~wise. I thank god that the parental units are not the types who push and prods us to bear them offsprings because as my mum wisely puts it, there’s a reason for everything and god knows best. Don’t think i have not told that to the busybodies who have asked and no, it did not put them at bay.
I am fast approaching forty and have on occasion asked en. laki what if i can’t give him kids? What would happen then, would he or more aptly, is it why, he has, on occasion wandered off in search of other females in heat to impregnate? I told him that i would not stand in the way of him having children, just you know, tell me in advance and i’ll hit him with the divorce papers and asks for millions in mutaah as severance pay.. haha! Fortunately, en. laki for now at least, have said there are other ways to have kids and have never thought of taking another wife (girlfriends though, is another matter, kan sayang?…haha..kidding…or maybe not >:)) We have decided to try the old fashioned way (~ i.e have sex as much as possible) for the next couple of years and failing that, maybe we’ll look into adoption. What about IVF you might say? Well, i have a friend who recently had an IVF baby and while it is the most convenient alternative, results are not 100% guaranteed and we just don’t have that extra RM20k+ lying around.
I have to say since i have been living the carefree life of childless couples, i think i’m not looking forward to midnight nappy change and feeding, sore & cracked nipples, battered hoohah and all. On the other hand though, i long to have little chubby arms clutching to me, to hear a small voice calling me mummy and just have that unconditional bond and love for another human being.
(sigh)….As for now i am content and happy with my life. I just wish that other people would back off and stop asking when i’m going to have kids, like it’s something i can order online…..