I am writing because i want to heal

I am writing because i want to heal

“Studies had shown that writing introspectively on a regular basis can lead to lowered blood pressure, improved liver function and even the accelerated healing of postoperative wounds. The study’s subjects had been told to write for short periods each day about turbulent emotional experiences.”  Excerpt from here

Based on the above, i’ve decided that i will update more regularly. Apa lah sangat kalau tulis merapu untuk membaikpulih diri aku sendiri. Kan???

Aku rindu dengan kau. Malam tadi, was one of the worst. I couldn’t sleep, my heart felt like bursting with this longingess for you. I felt like calling you and telling you of how i felt. I felt like going to that god forsaken place you call home to see if you were there, that’s how much i was missing you. Then i stopped. I forced myself to remember all the hurtful words you said.How you hurt me. How selfish and arrogant you were. How you look at me with disdain everytime i was doing something you didn’t like. How you were always lying, even about the most mundane things. I don’t understand that.

Then this morning, you text me…like there’s nothing wrong. Telling me that you missed me. I wonder why, reading it doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel cheap and how worthless i must be to you, for you to treat me like a thing instead of a human being. You come and go as you please, with no regards to my feelings. Aku tak tau lah sama ada aku masih sayang dengan kau. Terlalu banyak perbuatan kau yang mengecewakan hati aku. Yang pasti aku sendiri tertanya-tanya,  why i still miss you?

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